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    2023

    THE MATTER AT HAND

    1w / 2m

    Gun Violence Type(s): School Shooting

    Perspective: Teacher

    Narrative Style: Satirical / Symbolic

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    By Valentine Wulf

    A school’s administrative staff contemplate ways to prevent future shootings, including extending school kindness week into school kindness month and giving the principal free reign over an Uzi.

    AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE & PERFORMANCE

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    SYNOPSIS

    In a cluttered and underfunded school office, PRINCIPAL CLAUDETTE LATETE and VICE PRINCIPAL JANKO KOSTIC clash over his long-overdue raise. CLAUDETTE, oblivious and fixated on her positivity mantra, deflects KOSTIC’s complaints with corporate lingo and school kindness week slogans. She offloads a mountain of paperwork on him, including parent letters concerning past bomb threats, which she instructs him to recycle unread.


    CESAR MENDOZA, a laid-back teacher with a terrible toupee and a “Beer O’Clock” shirt, arrives with student-submitted slogans for kindness week. As they sort through them—ranging from earnest to obscene—the absurdity of the initiative becomes clear. The group brainstorms rewards and enforcement tactics, including a student “Smile Squad,” which spirals into fascist-sounding territory. The tension is broken when KOSTIC receives a walkie-talkie alert that a student, DEREK DIBBLE, has brought a gun to school. He calmly declares a lockdown, as if it’s just another routine disruption.


    The scene abruptly shifts to the following school year. CLAUDETTE is now armed with an Uzi and Glock. KOSTIC wears a Kevlar vest and carries a semi-auto rifle. MENDOZA enters dressed like a cartoon soldier. They are jaded but unfazed. CLAUDETTE proposes extending kindness week to kindness month while ignoring the clanging radiator and chaos outside. Despite the absurd militarization, her primary concern remains her new highlights. As gunfire and screams erupt offstage, the three casually eat Dum-Dums. The world burns around them, but institutional rituals persist.

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    Just excellent all around. Laugh out loud funny and horrifying at the same time... very daring and original.

    SAMUEL D. HUNTER
    Playwright & ENOUGH! panelist

    themes & technique

    THEMES

    • Institutional Absurdity — Bureaucratic rituals and toothless policies persist even in the face of repeated violence, exposing the futility of performative responses.

    • Desensitization to Violence— The staff’s casual attitude toward bomb threats, shootings, and armed patrols illustrates how normalized these emergencies have become in school life.

    • Satirized Bureaucracy — The relentless focus on slogans, stickers, and kindness metrics mocks how institutions prioritize image over meaningful action.

    NARRATIVE TECHNIQUE

    • Dark absurdist satire — The playwright uses exaggerated deadpan dialogue, repetition, and institutional routines to expose the grotesque normalization of school violence and the incompetence of those in power.

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    "Shhh. Do you hear that? That's the sound of a fixed mindset."

     

    Valentine Wulf

    The Matter at Hand

    Playwright's Bio

    Valentine Wulf (she/her, Washington) is fascinated by nuclear war, armageddon, and pink plastic lawn flamingos. Her first play, Welcome to the Landfill, was produced by Penguin Productions in 2022, and she made her directorial debut with a 1950s sitcom-musical adaptation of Macbeth in 2023. She collects vintage Barbies and enjoys borscht. She writes with assistance from a magic bowling ball named Kathy, who can see the future.

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